The Joy of Bulbous Burgers

bul·bous adj \ˈbəl-bəs\
Definition of BULBOUS
1: having a bulb : growing from or bearing bulbs
2: resembling a bulb especially in roundness

First, let me say that I was typing too fast and spelled this word wrong over text last night and got my spelling corrected pretty quickly and succinctly. Confession: I know how to spell this word. I do. I just had never slapped it together with with my beloved burgers before.

Second, can burgers be bulbous? "Resembling a bulb - especially in roundness"? I'd say so..if you stack 'em correctly with all the right goodness.

Third, I hereby decree my love of burgers - all kinds.

I can't remember when it started - but I know it has been helped and perpetuated by my fun family. In 1992, for my birthday, my parents brought home the largest sacks from Wendy's I had ever seen and we all had my favorite fast food meal. Single with cheese, no pickle, no onion. (Really, a number 1 with cheese, with no pickle, no onion). Which in 1992 cost $3.07 for the combo (burger, fries and a soda). In 2011, it costs over $7! (I obviously don't go there much anymore) Ah, inflation.

I have always loved burgers, and if you've seen me, you know - I am both in love with them and hate them - as they are one of the primary reasons - I need and want to lose many, many pounds. They become the bane of my existence as they tempt me continuously when I'm trying to be healthy...and while I do love a good turkey burger..the meatless numbers do NOTHING for me and just make me want the real deal all the more.



There really is great joy for me in a good 'bulbous burger'. Bulbous would indicate all the right fixin's. For most of my life, I thought I hated onions...then one day a few years ago - I suddenly thought they tasted like candies and onions became a new obsession. But, I did have to work through some of the ins and outs of onions - as they are pretty overpowering and can leave lasting marks (read: stinky breath, forever long aftertaste). So, I'm a take it or leave it where onions are concerned on a burger. I am a no on the pickles. I don't hate the taste of dill pickles...ironically, I LOVE DILL (thank you cute Granny for giving me purse size dill for my birthday!). But, I don't love dill pickles either - plus I think the taste can overpower the other phenomenal burger components that can satiate. So a no on dill pickle - but a yes on sweet relish. I do love some relish - especially on a good home grilled burger...especially one grilled by my Dad or my brother-in-law. Thems good stuff.

Ketchup is a definite yes, mustard in small quantities - for same overpower ickiness as pickles and onions. Mayo - help me - yes. Cheese - yes - Cheddar or American or Swiss or Provolone or Mozarella- or even Jack - not blue, though - none of the real stinky cheeses - don't want to just taste cheese. Avocado brings goodness. Mushrooms - yes...now grilled mushrooms and onions...with a few peppers - on a burger - divine! (Grill that overkill quality right out of those onions!) Lettuce - yes. Tomato - yes - qualifier - must be a good tomato - not too squishy or unripe. A bad tomato can sap the joy right out of it.
You really can put just about anything on a burger. If you have ever seen Man vs. Food on the travel channel, you've seen the atrocities and unexpected delights. Adam Richman has eaten everything on a burger across the country. And taken many challenges to do so. In fact when the show came to Salt Lake City, he visited a Crown burger and had a ...Crown Burger. (I'm not a fan of pastrami on burgers...is it a burger? Is it a sandwhich?)One - that always sounded interesting, but so gross: Donuts. Donuts on burgers...hmmm...that maybe an overpower - but maybe not. I have a weird curiosity about it. Maybe someday I'll try it.

There are a ton of websites that you can see all sorts of burger concoctions...I happen to like the burger whisperer. And the top entry on Americas Best Online in the burger section is a place called the Shooting Star Saloon in Huntsville, Utah. Hmmm...maybe I should take a drive to Huntsville.

My favorite burger available in Utah for a great while - has been a chain restaurant. A chain! But, Ruby Tuesdays Classic Cheeseburger - is my kind of perfection. My joy in a bulbous burger! I was so sad when the one near me closed. And the nearest one is now up the canyon, (Read: not going there anytime soon). I recently found a way to enjoy Red Robin burgers...I HATE the Red Robin seasoning - on their fries, in their fry sauce and - on the burgers. If I ask them to hold that seasoning...joy is found! I'm a big NO on the In n Out Burgers - nothin to 'em? No Bulbous there. My parents have had a long obession with Burger King Whoppers and I do enjoy them, but not as much as so many others.

The OLD Challenges: I love a good taste test. Many, many years ago - at least a decade ago...my sister Crystal and I bought every kind of bottled water in the grocery store and had a taste test. We tasted all the water at both room temperature and chilled...to determine our favorite..and of course, my favorite was the most expensive - Evian. But, I created a ranked hierarchy. A few years ago, I travelled all around the Utah valley collecting sugar cookies and had a sugar cookie challenge with my dear Aunt Susan for her birthday. Ah, Hagermans, you have the perfect cookie for me. Last Summer, NatNel and I enjoyed a summer long vanilla ice cream cone challenge and this summer have taken on Sweet Potato Fries. I love a good Taste Test Challenge.

The NEW Challenge: Best Burger within driving distance - for real. Any recommendations? Who is in for the tasting? Who is in for working out with me more - so I don't increase in stature? And I may need to have my cholesterol regularly checked. MMMmmm. The Joy of Bulbous Burgers.

PS - Title and Topic of this post NOT of my choosing - but fitting and I do love burgers! Any other suggestions?

Do-Over

Do you ever want a do-over? A moment, a word, a conversation, an hour, an experience, a situation? I mostly only want a do-over when I could have done it better, when I screw it up. When I want to stop thinking about how badly something played out. I like to re-live scenarios in my head - where I handle things rightly, where I don't hear or say the thing I desperately wish I hadn't. In my fantasy do-overs, no one gets offended, no one walks away wondering, everyone has closure, everyone understands, and no words leave permanent marks. I often regret seeking to be emotionally understood. For me, those conversations never go well.

Do you ever want to do a whole day over? Sometimes, I do. I don't want to get trapped in a cycle of the same things over and over again, like Groundhog day. Just a second chance.

And today was one of those days. I want a do-over.

38 Things All About Me!

In honor of this, the day commemorating the start of my 38th year, here are 38 facts, figures, anecdotes and things I want to share about me.

1. I have my Dads shoulders and my Moms hands
2. Many people associate me with penguins and have for decades
3. I am Doc in the Seven Edwards Dwarfs.
4. My first date, when I was 16 years old, was to see the movie K-9 starring a dog and Jim Belushi - a boy named Matt Truitt was my date
5. I once travelled Europe taking pictures of statue butts
6. I know from experience that it is always darkest before the dawn and sometimes making it to dawn is just a matter of riding out an emotion
7. I once ate at the exclusive and somewhat secretive Club 33 in Disneyland. It was buffet day and they had caviar at the buffet and we each had our own pre-printed name cards identifying our seats.
8. I had a strong lisp for almost 9 months when I was 29 years old because I had a wedge glued to the back of my front teeth to correct my bite.
9. I've always said my favorite color is yellow and I don't know why. I don't prefer anything in yellow - not clothes or crayons or paint or paper. Maybe its for my sunny disposition.
10. I am a fish taco connoisseur.
11. I love Little Women. The book, the musical, the story - Louisa May Alcott.
12. My all-time favorite memory of Paris - is playing charades with my sisters and my cute Granny in a little tiny hotel room with a sloping ceiling and old wallpaper - and trying for a really long time to figure out that my Granny was acting out the movie, "Guess whose coming to dinner?"
13. Movie Theaters are my happy place.
14. I will always know the size of a mole - 6.02 X 10^23 because of a someone named Melba who affectionately calls me Toast.
15. I have a Bachelor of Arts in American History from Brigham Young University.
16. I was named the "top girl" of my 9th grade class and got a huge panther trophy and my name on a plaque that haunted my 6 other siblings who attended there after me. Go Poston Panthers!
17. I once swam with Dolphins with my entire family, courtesy of my generous parents at a luxury hotel on Oahu.
18. I used to regularly attend Arena Football games at the America West Arena just to sit and hang out with my friends in a sky box.
19. I can't remember the last time I went on a proper date. (Proper-meaning no graduated hang outs, make outs or some guy randomly picking up the check). Sad, but true.
20. On the eve of my 21st birthday, I slept overnight in Las Vegas and refused to gamble until I was actually 21, much to the annoyance of my boyfriend at the time (and his father).
21. I think my actual favorite color is navy blue or pink or both.
22. Donny & Marie, New Kids on the Block, Billy Joel, Everything But The Girl, NSYNC, Sting, John Mayer - my musical obsessions - chronologically through my life. Don't judge me.
23. I once hiked the Grand Canyon - well, not so much hiked as - helicoptered in - then hiked a mile past Havasupai and then sent our packs out on donkeys and hiked out with just a camel pack. (It was still hard!)
24. I love when we are told in the scriptures to be happy or to cheer up. I love to be reminded of this. I want to be happy. 2 Nephi 10:23 is a favorite.
25. The last few years of my life have been made markedly better by Team Peeps Besties a Hoe and Ms. Law. Cheesey, but true.
26. In 1994, I took a trip to LA with my college roommates and we went to a taping of a sitcom. We got tickets for the same day to visit the sets of: Coach, Mad About You, Full House and this little known show that had only aired twice called Friends - but could only go to one. We chose Full House. Biggest. Regret. Ever.
27. I love listening to DVD commentaries.
28. I have been to the open houses of 8 (Jordan River, Las Vegas, San Francisco, Bountiful, Mt. Timpanogos, Manhatten, Draper, Oquirrh Mountain), attended as a patron in 9 (Mesa, Salt Lake, Los Angeles, Draper, Jordan River, Bountiful, St. George, Mt. Timpanogos, Provo)and been to the dedication of 2 (Jordan River, Draper) TEMPLES.
29. I do mortgage loans for a living and currently do not have a mortgage with the best rate or program on either of the homes I have mortgages on. Oh, the irony.

30. I have personally taken my own pictures of the Mona Lisa and Winged Victory
31. My parents, 3 of my nieces, a nephew and all but 1 and a 1/2 of my siblings have lived in/shared my home in Draper for an extended period of time.
32. I am a beloved niece. I have the most fun with my hilarious Aunt Susan.
33. I love theater! I got to see the Original Cast of Wicked on Broadway in 2004 and Hugh Jackman in his Tony winning role as Peter Allen in the Boy from Oz.
34. I always cry in the movies My Life, Little Women and The American President
35. My favorite restaurant in Utah is The Dodo. In Arizona is Rosas.
36. I have had many opportunities to be an Aunt in many extraordinary ways.
37. I love trivia games. I love to play them and write them and host them.
38. Today, I intend to be happy - even if I still can't park in my garage. I'll get there.

Final Exam: If you can name the 3 late night or daytime talk shows that I have been an audience member of - you really know me - you really do.


Congratulations if you made it to the bottom of this list...its really long. It requires perseverance and a passing interest in my life, so I thank you.

Life is good. Happy Birthday to me!

Jen Vs. Harry Potter

Here's the thing. I'm just an ordinary person, a regular josephine, just a muggle, if you will. And really all I want to do is celebrate my birth - which is a day to be commended. A celebratory day if you will. But..but...but..but.. Harry Potter is having none of it.

Boxing Announcer: In one corner we have: Boy Wizard, adored by millions in print and on screen...Harry Pot-terr! In the other corner we have: Jen

Harry is a WIZARD. I'm not a wizard. I have no special powers. I don't go to Hogwarts. Voldemort isn't stalking me. I'm not friends with Hermione or Ron. My parents weren't killed by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named (but, whoops, I just did!). I don't have an owl or a wand or learn spells. I don't have a cool lightning scar on my head. He wins. In the battle between human and wizard, Wizard wins. Everytime, Wizard Wins.

I'm so glad this is soon to be over. This is the 2nd time in the last 2 years that a Harry Potter movie opens on my Birthday. And three years ago, it was only a few days before and was 'all the talk' on the day of my birth. Why ya gotta hate on me, Harry?

Just in case you were wondering...he was getting it right at first...Harry was showing up in theaters around Thanksgiving normally and leaving me all alone. See...only for that third one, did he even consider showing up near my celebration. Then, the last few years, he's all up in my grill.


Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone 16 November 2001
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets 15 November 2002
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban 4 June 2004
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire 18 November 2005
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix 11 July 2007
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince 15 July 2009
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt1 9 November 2010
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt2 15 July 2011


2 years ago I embraced it too late - I tried to resist and then at the last minute - I spent the evening with Harry and my good peep E. Wizard won.

This year, the tagline - It All Ends: 7.15! The end of my birthday? No! The end of this nonsense.

Please don't invite me to see it with you, please don't offer to get me tickets, please don't tell me about your HP movie -watching parties all week. Is it so wrong to want to be remembered? Is it so wrong to want to be celebrated? Wizard wins. Wizard wins.

Truth is - I'd pick a movie over a person most days. Truth is - I just want people to remember its my birthday even if they choose Harry over me. Truth is - if Harry wanted to come to my birthday party, I would welcome it and I would dress up with cloak and a wand and everything. Truth is - Its maybe an honor to share this day with him. Truth is - I love Harry Potter. Truth is - I just hate it when he gets all the fuss and I don't. Truth is - Wizard wins for me too.

PS - Emmy nominations out today. Check out my thoughts: Here

Someday my Duke Will Come

My niece, Skylee has her own bedroom in my house. She has fully taken over one of the sets of bunk beds that once slept those precious aliens. We have decorated 'her bathroom' and she has toys and books and clothes and tooth brushes and hair clips and her own space. Its nice that sometimes I can just pick her up from her mom or dad and she can just stay over - no bag necessary. We even have a bedtime ritual. After pajamas and teeth brushing, she takes her place on the top bunk and I lay on the bottom bunk with the lights off and we tell stories. Skylee is 6. The stories that interest her all take place in a land far away with castles and Princesses and fairies and Princes...and one very important element - all of the Stories must have a character named Skylee. The many adventures of Princess Skylee have taken us to many castles with many Princes, Fairy Godmothers, Grand Balls, Beautiful Dresses and Happily Ever Afters. Sometimes, Aunt Jen appears in the Stories - but since I am not Princess Skylees mother, the Queen, I am deemed the Duchess. I am Duchess Jen. Of course, I am the grandest of Duchesses.

In the heat of one of Skylees very detailed and involved stories of make believe - when Duchess Jen again arrived at the Ball alone. I said, "Hey! Where is my Duke?" Skylee hesitated, she said "ummm" a few times and said, "you can't be married!" I protested, and tried to reason with the 6 year old above me - 'but you aren't married and Princess Skylee always has a Prince!'. Then, I asked a very serious question, 'Skylee, don't you want me to get married?' And she said, 'well, ummm, no." She got very quiet as I said - 'Why don't you want me to get married? 'you could be praying to help me find a husband!' And she peeked her head over the edge of the bunk bed and looked down at me and said - 'because I like it just you and me. And if you got married, I wouldn't be able to sleep over. And I what if your husband doesn't like me?!" Ahhh....well, I told sweet, but worried Skylee that all the Dukes in the world would love her and that I could never marry anyone that didn't like her. And I told her we would still have fun all by ourselves, and we would kick my husband out and make a "Girls Only" sign for the door for story time. And she became convinced that it was okay for Duchess Jen to have a Duke.

Story time has become more interesting as now, she lets me pick the name of the Duke vying for Duchess Jen's attention each time and she sometimes has the Prince and Duke fight over Princess Skylee until the Duke meets Duchess Jen. On our last story telling night, my story was about how Princess Skylee lost all of her money and she had to live as a pauper and work in a shoe store to make money to fix up her castle. Princess Skylee had magic skills to find the right and most beautiful shoes for all the people in her town and she changed her stars. Skylee's story had Princess Skylee morphing into a fairy periodically to help a Duke realize that he loved Duchess Jen, and the fairy put a magic spell on the Duke and it accidentally got her precious Prince too - and they both fell in love with Duchess Jen. Oh no! The spell wore off and all was right with the world...but I am in love with her earnest storytelling match making for me..and for herself.

When we were saying prayers that first night I convinced her that a Duke would be a GOOD thing, she offered this, "Please bless Jen to find someone to marry, and bless that he will like her... and me."


Someday my Duke will come and I know he will love Princess Skylee.



PS - I would be totally okay with my Duke looking a little like Flynn Rider.

PPS - Happy Birthday to my lil sister Nichole - who always credits her interest in music and singing to wanting to sing and be like me, but whose development of her amazing vocal instrument has me wanting, now, to be like her.