Grammar Snob

So, I think I'm a grammar snob. I correct people in my head all the time - but I've been known to make bold corrections in conversation. What a snob I am. Is it better if I always feel bad about needing to do it? I just can't stand it, sometimes - it makes my ears bleed.

Agreeance is not a word. It isn't. It makes me crazy to hear it. And it seems to be becoming its own colloquialism and I'm not sure why. It is not in the classic dictionary (truth be told - it has been added to some online dictionary sites - oh the shame! It is listed in the official "COMMON ERRORS IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE" book - online dictionaries (dictionary.com - I mean you) be damned!), and typically when people use it, they are meaning 'agreement' and just getting the word wrong. There are a few blogs out there referencing this term as a new term in the corporate world. Really? I'm guessing someone said it in a big boardroom meeting and no one dared question it. Nevertheless, one of my peeps chose to use it the other day and I asked her to look it up. Now, she knows its not a word - but she also knows it makes me crazy to hear it. Never give those you love such power. Now, she delights in fitting it in wherever possible. Her presentation is priceless. She says it like a cheesy joke, with a pause for the drum beats - ba da bum. And she says it with such pride. It is actually funny. I still hate it.

PLUS, the next day after our word discussion, where we were definitely not in "agreement", another one of my peeps offered that we should 'nip that in the butt'. To which I replied, 'nip it in the what?'. And when she said 'butt' - I started chuckling. I felt like a jerk. Of course, its 'nip it in the bud'. And I had to launch into some explanation about the phrases gardening origins. Snob. Snob. Snob. Don't worry, she gets her revenge regularly, when she, with a sly smile, tells me she is in 'agreeance' with me. And that just 'ain't' right!

PS - Punctuation snobs - who would have a heyday with my writing - I feel your pain!

Blogsample

I spent a lot of time today blog-stalking. Well, maybe not fully stalking - he did advertise a post on facebook...an invitation to all - so maybe just stalking in the sense of he didn't know I was reading all his entries for the past three years. I laughed. I cried. And one specific entry from 2008 changed my perspective of a small struggle I have been experiencing. I read it and I was better for it. Well written, so funny, so sincere, so well-meaning, so observant and an open testimony of Jesus Christ. His beliefs weave seamlessly between college sports, friendly fun and family antics. His words are lovely, of good-report AND praiseworthy. Certainly something to seek after. An amazing Blogsample!

It made me think about blogging - about the things I've chosen to express about my life (though not in a loooong time), and I realized that my testimony of Jesus Christ is fully missing from my writing. I thought of lots of excuses - its so personal, no one wants to read that - and doesn't my testimony shine through some of my actions? Why have I left this out? I read through all of these entries about my 'alien' life - and I kept it so surface and silly - I neglected to mention the sustaining power in the experience. Never once did I mention the many moments I felt attended by angels or the unique and specific and wonderfully calming experience I had in preparation for their arrival - or the sheer volume of charitable people who supported and uplifted me and whose purpose in my life can only be described as they were 'on the Lord's errand'. Such tremendous joy, such tremendous sorrow, such tremendous growth. I felt the buoying and supporting and healing power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ - in a way I never knew existed. I was blessed - even though I was so sourly not at my best - a great deal of the time. I do look back on that time with some regrets - for specific actions or arguments - and for missing moments and opportunities when I could have done it better. Poor parents - does that ever go away?

In looking back, its results were good - everyone moved on to better and greener pastures - and miracles happened - one after another after another. I know of miracles. I do. I'm still searching and defining the post-alien world - its been 2 and a half years- and that 14 months still stands as the most life changing period of my life - there is definitely a before and after. I wonder for myself in this world that still at times feels 'alien' - if miracles can still happen - if they can still happen to me. I've been privy to great things - its hard to imagine there could still be more - but there has to be. There is. I know I have continued purposes in this life. I know there is a plan. I know that Jesus Christ is the Savior of the World and He is the one to save me from all of the things that bind me. I know His Atonement is not solely about forgiveness, it is about relief and love and sustaining. I feel priviledged to be able to feel and recognize the Spirit of my Heavenly Father. I know how to hear Him. I just have to Listen.

This testimony is what is missing from these musings. I've never been embarassed by this knowledge, in fact, I've always sought to share it and sought to help others and myself understand it. And, thanks to some Facebook advertising and the beautiful musings and messages of a fellow believer - I know I want my life in print to relay and weave my testimony between my pop culture obsessions and my family silliness - as seamlessly as it is truly woven in the fabric of my life.

Clear!

I think most of the musings in my head could start with the line, "there is a line in this John Mayer song". I worship at the ground of his lyrics. Words already resonate deeply with me - but a lot of his... well - they make me think.

There is this line in this John Mayer song...

"You know it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
Then the circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining"

I've been thinking a lot about the people in my life willing to "defend the silver lining" of my world. There are a few choice people in my world who have very literally been surrounding me with those life paddles you see on all the medical shows screaming "Clear!" to the difficulties surrounding me - desperately working to bring me back to life. And, the monitor is beeping - and the beeping is getting stronger. I have begun to breathe new life - in many ways my heart has been shocked back to life. I'm pretty sure I'm still hooked up to machines keeping me going, but I am starting to breathe on my own again. And I've still got a team coming in and out defending the silver lining of it all. How lucky I am for that surrounding circle of goodness, wellness, love and friendship. Love my peeps!

About a Blog

I had to delete a comment today for the first time EVER. A grumpy unsupportive comment - after my cathartic, life metaphor ramblings (I fashion myself as Sting - making deep philosophic somethings of nothings like when he wrote: "There's a little black spot on the sun today. That's my SOUL up there.") While the name on the comment said "Anonymous" - undoubtedly it was written by one of the parties involved in the drama I was bemoaning - or at the very least a bottom-dweller unhappy with its own existence. It certainly is akin to the passive aggressive negativity I am used to from many of those involved or those truly unhappy with themselves. All I can say is - how disappointing. I've been wondering if I should continue this blog. I recognize that this is not a decision of great importance and it probably doesn't even matter. Scrambling today to try to figure out HOW to delete a comment - had me realizing - I've had a nice supportive time of it. I have enjoyed my time in the blog community - writing and reading blogs and I have to say am sorely disappointed by this dose of the reality of it. I enjoy writing. And I certainly enjoyed detailing the adventures of my life with those adorable aliens. But, who knows if I will have more adventures to detail. One thing is for certain - I'm glad I now know how to delete.

The End of an Era

A few weeks ago the series finale of ER aired to much hype and acclaim. While I haven't been a continual viewer for all of its 15 seasons (15 is my lucky number, just an fyi) - I was an avid viewer for many of them. I enjoyed watching all of the media and retrospectives leading up to the big finale - it was fun to check in with long gone characters and old familiar faces. Kudos to George Clooney for going back in the final episodes and lending his face and fame to the show that shot him to true and lasting stardom.

The finale itself was mostly pitch-perfect, save the pain staking unresolved and annoying relationship between Carter and his always grieving wife, Kem. It was all good. New cast members, old cast member - all the stories - good, good, good. Ernest Borgnine played the husband of an ailing wife - whom he had been married to for 60 or 70 years or something like that. In his final scene, as his wife slips away, with hospital staff surrounding him, he looks up after the pronoucement of her death and says, "that's it??" - heartbreaking watching this man's dissatisfaction with the moment his life would be forever changed... Well, I understood that moment profoundly.

The aliens that once resided with me are home with their alien mom and their alien dad is close by, as it should be. The road to such decisions was a rocky one - as grand decisions were made almost daily and minds were changed continually. I was the good guy and the bad guy - depending on who you talked to. There was much yelling, much frustration and many hurtful words. In the course of about a week - it was decided that the aliens should move back to Arizona, after many plans were made to have them here for the next school year. And in about 1 week - we packed up - we had lots of piles and lots of lasts. Last trip to Lagoon, last family dinner, last hugs, last sleep over, last good-byes. I took pictures of all of them and intended to have a weeks worth of blog entries of the lasts, but I couldn't do it. It was hard. It was heartbreaking. I drove them home, helped move them in. The alien mommy did not want her aliens upset with a grand good-bye - so there was none. I stood on a sidewalk and watched them drive away from me - not knowing when I would next see them and knowing my life would be forever different from that point forward. And I stood there thinking - "that's it??"

That was last August. I immediately threw myself into work at a new job that gave me enough work to work around the clock - all weekends and even in my sleep. I have been working and working trying to dig myself out of a mountain of debt. I have been numb - I have been exhausted - I have been absent. I rarely get to talk to those aliens. I haven't seen them since. And, I'm at last trying to deal with it. I have been angry at the rocky road of it - I have been hurt - I have been heartbroken. I changed my hair color. I'm trying to change my house. It was many months coming - but, I'm finally dealing with it. And its not pretty and its not blogworthy - its just a lot and none of it is fun.

But, I'm sitting here reflecting on the finale of ER - and realizing that parts of the old me are returning. I am relating my life to TV - a habit I have long been practicing. The best part of that finale was how the final minutes played out - as emergency vehicles arrived to the familar doors of the ER and everyone prepped and the emergency chaos seemed to forever continue as the familiar synthesized music began and the credits rolled. It ended as it started - and let us know that the halls of that ER were forever changed by those who passed through them and those of us who watched them, yet the ER lives on. And - my own life chaos has started to begin again - yet, I know that my life is forever changed by those who have passed through the halls of my home and those who helped me, who watched me, who listened to me, who supported me, who didn't tell me I was crazy to do such things, when clearly I was. It is the end of an era and I am changed. And finally, after months of hiding, I am moving on.